In casual friendships you are trying to find out what your common experiences and interests are. Do you both like sports; do you both have an interest in the weather; do you have mutual friends; have you visited or lived in some of the same places; or, do you both have similar hobbies, interests, or activities? If Jesus has prepared their heart for you getting to know them better, then they will respond positively to your questions.

A casual friendship moves into a personal friendship naturally; you simply start asking more PERSONAL questions. What if you ask a casual friend a non-threatening, personal question and they avoid it, change the subject, give you a vague answer, or seem to be offended by it? It is at that point you first check your motives; you want to be sure you aren’t trying to push them out of a casual friendship into a personal friendship. If you were just following Jesus’ leadership, you won’t get hurt, offended, or upset with their unwillingness to go to the next level. It all has to do with testing them because you want to get to know them better.

If you can ask a personal question without trying to make anything happen, then you can go around to all your casual friendships testing to see what Jesus has prepared them for. Simple questions like, “How’s it going;” “What’s been happening in your life;” “What have you been up to;” and, “How are you doing?” are simple questions we all ask. But, the difference between you and most people is, you REALLY want to know.

From time to time you would visit a casual friend again in the natural flow of your daily activities. While talking about casual friendship things, you would ask them another NON-THREATENING, PERSONAL question. Your motive would be to simply find out whether or not Jesus had prepared their heart for the next level of friendship. All during this time, you have been praying for them. You have been asking Jesus to speak to them and prepare their heart. But, it ALL depends on whether or not they are willing to listen to Jesus.

If once again, they avoid your personal question, change the subject, give you a vague answer, or seem to be offended by it, go back to your regular, casual subjects and move on. You will keep repeating this process every time you get together with them. You never know if or when a casual friendship will move forward. As you keep praying for them, Jesus is working in their life and helping them want more from Jesus. If they are willing, they will respond to Jesus and will be open the next time you ask them a question about how things are going.

Typically, during a casual friendship that is about to move into a personal friendship, they will mention something that is bothering them. It is at that point you start listening with concern while allowing them to share as much as they feel comfortable with. When they pause or stop sharing the issue with you, you can ask them clarification and information gathering questions about it. This lets you know how much they are willing to share. Be ready to back off and let them know you are praying for those things they shared.

A personal friendship is a casual friendship where the person is finally ready to move into a deeper relationship. This is BECAUSE the person is starting to desire to open up and share SOME of the problems they are going through. Typically they are not yet ready to receive any advice or help; but, they are ready to allow you to know some of their personal issues. Most of these friends just want understanding, concern, and an appreciation for how difficult their life is.

If you push this friendship too soon and start trying to share some of your story or start giving advice, you may close them back up again and lose their trust. But, as you keep showing a sincere interest and offer heart-felt understanding, sympathy, concern, and compassion, they may start asking for your advice and help. That can be your signal that they are ready to move on to the next level. Being gentle, sensitive, caring, and free from personal agendas will help you help them.