It seemed like I just couldn’t find any friends. I never knew how to start a conversation and talk to people I didn’t know. When I was around other kids, as a young person, I would just stand there trying to think of something to say. It was awkward to being around other people because there was always these long periods of silence.

If people did talk to me, my answers back were short and sometimes stupid. I wanted to have fun and make friends; but, I couldn’t seem to break through the barrier of conversation and being able to do things that others considered to be fun. If I got invited to a party, I would stand around watching as everyone else had a good time.

Finally I met a friend in class; we were able to talk about the subject we were studying and they knew how to ask me questions that helped me talk about myself. That was a great moment in my life and went on for a whole year. But, they moved away and I was all by myself again.

As I moved away from home to go to college, I dreaded the loneliness I was going to experience there. At home I at least had my family to talk to. College was good and it was bad. It kept me very busy with studies; but, I was very alone there. I tried joining some special groups that I thought sounded good but most of them didn’t help me meet any friends.

In one group there was a person who seemed to take a real interest in me. We had a lot of things in common and could talk for hours about simple but interesting things. We laughed and talked and had a pretty good time until we started having sex. At first it met a need in me that felt like I was loved and cared for.

Gradually my friend started spending more and more time with other people. They started making excuses for why they couldn’t get together with me. We would still have sex from time to time but I could tell they didn’t really care much about me. The sex brought physical pleasure but I felt a deep loneliness settling down in my heart. I felt used and rejected. So I gradually crawled back into my shell and became isolated from all those around me.

After I finished college, I got a job and started spending a lot of time with the people there. The company was fairly small; so I got to know all of them pretty good. I would go out partying with some of them and would have sex with various people I would meet at parties. It was so strange to be around so many people and have such intimate relationships with them while feeling such deep loneliness.

Alcohol, drugs, and sex didn’t help me feel loved, respected, or cared for. In some ways, these people were my friends and yet we really didn’t have much of a relationship. It was all about pleasure, fun, and partying. I had a hunger in my heart for some kind of a meaningful relationship.

I didn’t realize how far I had fallen into so much sin and bad habits until one day some people started making fun of me at one of our parties. They talked TO me and they talked ABOUT me describing a person who was pretty sick. I could tell they despised me and felt like I was trash. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

There was a Christian there that saw the whole thing. I hadn’t really paid much attention to them because they never joined us in the drinking, drugs, and sex. They were a lot of fun to talk to. They were very friendly and never condemned our lifestyle. They just never got involved in those things we tried to use to help us bury the pain and loneliness we were experiencing.

If they hadn’t been there that night, I don’t know what I would have done. This Christian came over to me immediately and started letting me know they loved me and considered me to be a very valuable person. Without making me feel condemned, they talked to me about how they had experienced a lot of rejection and social pain. They too had turned to many of the same things. They had hoped these things would help them with their pain.

We became close friends that night. They weren’t interested in having sex with me or using me to get something out of me. Their love and concern was motivated by a real relationship where I stopped feeling so alone. They introduced me to their friends; and I found a lifestyle that was real and emotionally fulfilling.

God gradually healed me from all those things I had gotten myself involved in. I made a lot of mistakes and my Christian friends stuck with me through it all. I am learning a lot of Biblical principles and am starting to share my victories with some of my friends. I am glad I had a friend waiting in the background; I didn’t even know they were my friend until I desperately needed their friendship.

HELP eMagazine has the information you need to be able to be healed from loneliness. It can help you find friends who are real, loving, and not condemning. We have all gone through similar issues as you and we have found the answers to all life’s problems through God and the Bible. Be willing to spend some time on this website so you can find what you are looking for.