Your spouse is causing you pain, difficulties, struggles, and issues by being married to them. It is drawing your attention inward toward yourself. It is trying to draw your attention away from your spouse and in on yourself. They aren’t cooperating with YOU; they are hurting YOU; they are disrespecting YOU; they aren’t doing what it would take to make YOUR life better. You don’t typically think in these terms; but, that is what the issue is basically.

As much as is possible, Jesus’ objective is to bring your attention away from yourself and onto the needs of others. Right now, that doesn’t seem like a possibility; you are hurting so much with your problems with you spouse that you can’t even consider reaching out to someone else. That would seem like you would be doubling your suffering. But, if you will just trust Jesus and let Him work with you, He will show you a way that brings peace to you. He will give you so much rest and faith that you will start to consider caring for other people else.

There are some foundational Scriptures that most of the other Scriptures in the Bible are built on. These foundational Scriptures give you and your spouse major principles for Jesus to guide your life by and, for you to gently help your spouse’s life by. When you are facing some intense issue, these high level Scriptures are the ones you can look to for bringing healing, miracles, and solutions to both of your lives.

One of the most important foundational Scriptures is: Mat 7:12 (NIV) So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. When you are looking at a single verse of Scripture that sums up the Law and the Prophets, you are looking at a big one.

Mark 12:31 (NIV) The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Since you have this big difficulty in your marriage coming your way, it can take your focus off of the pain, suffering, worries, difficulties, and struggles of your spouse. What would happen if you started looking away from yourself and at your spouse?

Why are they acting the way they are? What are they going through that is turning them into the person they are moving into? What do they need so they can be helped with THEIR pain, hurts, difficulties, and needs? What could you do to them what you would have them do to you? How would love your neighbor as yourself. help with your relationship with each other?

Mat 11:28 (NIV) Come to Me (Jesus), all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. As long as you are CONCENTRATING on your problem, you aren’t able to see why your spouse is acting the way they are. If you are busy trying to get them to cooperate with you, you could bury their struggles and force them to solve YOUR problem with the marriage. Jesus is inviting you to come and get help from Him. He is asking you to give your marriage problem to Him so you can concentrate on what is going on inside your spouse.

Luke 6:38 (NIV) Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” When you are hurting, struggling, suffering, and filled with anxiety, the last thing you want to do is go help somebody. If you look back on why you married your spouse in the first place, you will remember all kinds of qualities in them. This will help you want to let Jesus do His part in helping your marriage.

The truth of the matter is, you love your spouse. You would lay down your life for them. It’s just that the battles, pain, confusion, and struggles have refocused your attention. You feel like you have tried everything and nothing has worked. But, You just turned your marriage problem over to Jesus; and, He is going to work miracles in it. Now, what are you going to do?

Mat 11:28 (NIV) Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. As long as YOU are concentrating on how you are going to solve your problem with marriage, you aren’t coming to Jesus. If you dropped solving your marriage problem and sat down with your spouse, what could you ask that would start training you in on how to solve their problems?

Your spouse is stuggling with things that they don’t feel they can talk to anyone about. They are SURE YOU won’t understand. After all, you are a different gender, what do you know about what those of their gender go through? At least that is what they think.

Mat 11:28 (NIV) Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. As long as YOU are concentrating on how you are going to solve your problem with marriage, you aren’t coming to Jesus. If you do come to Jesus, He promises to give you rest. Rest from what? Rest from the issue that is bothering you the most. But, maybe you don’t want rest. Maybe you want an effective, all inclusive, and final solution to your problem. But, if you are going to get Jesus’ help, you will have to get it Jesus’ way. He will give you rest by taking over the responsibility of care for your issue with marriage.

Mat 11:29 (NIV) Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Your “yoke” that Jesus wants you to wear is the issues and struggles going on the the heart of your spouse. Jesus wanted you to give Him your problem so He could direct your attention to the life-issues of your spouse. This is going to be a labor of love! But, this can be like getting water out of a dry creek. You will probably hear words like: “fine!” “ nothing!” “whatever!” “You wouldn’t understand!” and a whole lot of other deadend words.

Mat 11:30 (NIV) For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. What’s so easy about the frustration, feelings of helplessness, confusion, and discouragement of a spouse that won’t talk to you? If you are a task oriented person, you probably will go into this “project” with real objectives and goals in mind. If you are still trying to get your spouse solving problem taken care of the old way, you will stay focused on your problems. It can keep you from being able to see anything they are suffering with.

But, if you are trying to get your spouse solving problem taken care of this new way, you are probably doubting that this stupid system with work. However, if you are in love with your spouse, no matter how hard it is, you will keep letting them know you love them very much. You will assure them that you aren’t giving up until they tell you where they are hurting. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.