WCTLC

The Holy Spirit is your marriage success, so you can bring the life and ministry of Jesus into your life and ministry.

Marital Unity Comes From God’s Will

The battle that has to be fought to bring two people into one opinion is for both of them to be able to submit to one another. However, submission to each other isn’t a human effort assignment. It is a spiritual assignment that starts with submission to God. And, this is what we have been working on from the beginning of these Biblical studies. Our submission to God is going to empower us to submit to the wishes of the whole, in the marriage.

When you have two people becoming one person in a marriage, it isn’t a matter of just being able to compromise. It isn’t a matter of taking each person’s wishes and finding a middle ground for agreement. It isn’t even a process of mixing the two opinions together so as to come up with one decision. If the desires of both spouses are selfish and body, world, or Satanically motivated, then BOTH “wants” need to be given up. The big issue is, what is best for the marriage, and only God knows what that is.

God Has A Specific Plan For Your Marriage

Just like we have to lay our desires, opinions, plans, and goals before God as an individual, we have to do the same in the marriage. It isn’t a matter of what the husband wants or the wife wants; it is very important to find out what God wants. To do this, we are back to the principle of prayer. Rather than arguing, fighting, discussing, reasoning, compromising, or demanding, we need to go to God and find out what His will and wisdom is in the matter. When a husband and a wife start praying for the one purpose, goal, desire, and plan for each issue they face, then and only then can they have unity in their marriage.

There Will Only Be One Life And Ministry In Your Marriage

The rules, philosophies, principles, and Scriptures that apply to our relationship with God, ourselves, and others are the exact same rules that apply to the marriage. The only difference is, the husband and wife aren’t two people praying for two directions from God. God has the same plans for them like He has for one person. Their ministry may have two parts to it; their gifts may be divided up into two approaches; God may use them in two different ways; but, it will always be done for one common goal and purpose.

The life and ministry of Jesus will flow through the spouses as if Jesus is dealing with one person. There will not be two lives and ministries. Marriage can double the gifts and services that this union has; but, these gifts and services have been given by God for one life and one ministry, just like there is one Lord, one body, and one marriage. Read this next passage from the marriage standpoint.

Eph 4:2 (NIV) Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to one hope when you were called--one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, Who is over all and through all and in all. But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.

All Of The Bible Applies To Marriage

You will, of course, be studying your Bible for you as an individual, when you are doing private, personal daily devotions. But, when you are reading and studying the Bible for your marriage, this is how you will be guided by the Holy Spirit through God’s Word: Eph 4:25 (NIV) Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor [spouse], for we are all [both] members of one body [marriage].

Rather than trying to find Scriptures that specifically address marriage issues, the whole Bible applies to the marriage relationship. Then when you come to those specific Scriptures that do deal with marriage, you are to apply them directly to that relationship.

Eph 5:21 (NIV) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

This is a general Scripture that applies to everyone, married or not. It is the Scripture that regulates men and women BUT NOT husbands and wives. In the body of Christ, all Christians are to submit to one another. However, a wife of another man is NOT to submit to some other man in the church. She is to ONLY submit to the relationship she has with her husband. Ephesians 5:21 is subject to and lacks the same power of influence that Ephesians 5:22 has on the husband and wife in a marriage.

Marriage Scriptures Control The Marriage In A More Powerful Way

Scriptures that address marriage directly have a greater position and hold more power of control over the marriage relationship than general Scriptures do. Ephesians 5:21 is not telling the husband to submit to their wife as it relates to marriage; it is telling him AND his wife to submit in a different way to the members of the body of Christ.

Ephesians 5:22 isn’t telling a wife to submit, in a marriage way, to all Christian men or to all Christians in general. It is only asking her to submit to her husband in a marriage way. She has a unique relationship with him that is TOTALLY different from her relationship with ANYONE else. Ephesians 5:25 isn’t telling a husband to love, in a marriage way, all Christian women or all Christians in general. It is only asking him to love his wife in such a marriage way. He has a unique relationship with her that is TOTALLY different from his relationship with ANYONE else.

This Is A God/Wife Passage

Eph 5:22-24 (NIV) Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

This Scripture is the directive of God to the wife of a husband and not to unmarried women. It is so specific that it does NOT apply to wives in general or women in general. It is talking about ONE wife and her relationship with ONE husband. God is ASKING her to submit to HER husband and ONLY to her husband in a way that is different from her submission to the “one another” presented in Ephesians 5:21. The submission of a wife to her husband, in Ephesians 5:22-24, has characteristics in it that are very different from the submission being asked for in Ephesians 5:21.

Ephesians 5:22-24 is an issue that a wife has to deal with alone in her relationship with God. She and the Holy Spirit have to work it out together with just her and Him. The husband CANNOT enforce it, demand it, try to create it, or try to interpret it for his wife. She and the Holy Spirit have to work together to establish how this passage is to be interpreted and Jesus is to help her understand how it is to be applied. It will be her issue in eternity between her and Jesus on that day.

It won’t be a law of the Old Testament that requires her human effort. It will work like any other Scripture in the Bible that requires God’s power, God’s love, and God’s wisdom to be able to live it out. Many have written books and preached sermons that have tried to water this down or make it a mandatory law. However, it isn’t a subject for humans to try to apply. It is the word of God for wives and wives only. Each wife must bring this passage before God and get His help with it. The rest of us can only stand on the outside and watch as each wife works this out with their Savior, Lord, and King.

This Is A God/Husband Passage

Eph 5:25-30 (NIV) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of His body.

We are now going to basically repeat the same information we gave for wives and present it to the husbands. This Scripture is the directive of God to the husband of a wife and not to unmarried men. It is so specific that it does NOT apply to husbands in general or men in general. It is talking about ONE husband and his relationship with ONE wife. God is ASKING him to love HIS wife and ONLY her in a way that is different from the love presented in 1 Peter 1:22 (NIV) Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. The love of a husband for his wife, in Ephesians 5:25-30, has characteristics in it that are very different from the love being asked for in 1 Peter 1:22.

Ephesians 5:25-30 is an issue that a husband has to deal with alone in his relationship with God. He and the Holy Spirit have to work it out together with just him and the Holy Spirit. The wife CANNOT enforce it, demand it, try to create it, or try to interpret it for her husband. He and the Holy Spirit have to work together to establish how this passage is to be interpreted and Jesus is to help him understand how it is to be applied. It will be his issue in eternity between him and Jesus on that day.

It won’t be a law of the Old Testament that requires his human effort. It will work like any other Scripture in the Bible that requires God’s power, God’s love, and God’s wisdom to be able to live it out. Many have written books and preached sermons that have tried to water this down or make it a mandatory law. However, it isn’t a subject for humans to try to apply. It is the word of God for husbands and husbands only. Each husband must bring this passage before God and get His help with it. The rest of us can only stand on the outside and watch as each husband works this out with their Savior, Lord, and King.

It’s A Marriage Miracle

Eph 5:31 (NIV) “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

This ONLY happens in marriage. It doesn’t happen with any other Christian couple. It is a sexual relationship that is only allowed in a marriage relationship. All other relationships are to be NON-SEXUAL. Heb 13:4 (NIV) Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. It is vital that we all go before God and allow Him to tell us how all this works. There is great controversy between Christians and the world over the issues of sex. However, God has His interpretation and His interpretation will be the one applied on the judgment day.

Eph 5:32 (NIV) This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.

Marriage is an example of Jesus and the church. The things a husband and wife learn in their marriage will teach them a lot about the body of Christ, the church. And, the things they learn about the body of Christ, the church, will teach them a lot about marriage. Don’t leave the Bible and go find instructions for how to live out your marriage. Stay with God and His Word for guiding you in how a marriage is to work. God is the One Who knows how HE wants YOUR marriage to work. His plans, goals, relationships, and ministry for YOUR marriage will be unique to you.

These Are The Basic Needs Of A Husband And Wife

Eph 5:33 (NIV) However, each one of you also must LOVE his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must RESPECT her husband.

There is one major thing that husbands struggle with, love. Their brain can get in the way of their ability to love their wife like God wants them to. Their sexual drives often get in the way of the love for their wife like Jesus has for His church. Sex is NOT love. It isn’t even a process of “making love.” Having sex can be as unloving as rape. Sex has to come out of love and not the reverse. All husbands will need to spend A LOT of time with God on this or they will fall far short in this issue. That is why Ephesians 5:33 is telling a husband to love his wife.

There is one major thing that wives struggle with, respect. There subconscious mind can get in the way of their ability to respect their husband like God wants them to. Their emotional drives often get in the way of the respect for their husband like the church is to respect Jesus. Being married does not automatically produce respect. The human love a wife feels for her husband does not represent the respect God is calling for in a wife. A wife’s love has to produce respect for their husband. All wives will need to spend A LOT of time with God on this or they will fall far short in this issue. That is why Ephesians 5:33 is telling a wife to respect her husband.

Only Those Who Are INTERESTED Will Succeed

The craving of the heart of a man is respect; the craving of a wife is love. This is a place where a spouse can’t just do to their partner what they would have them do to them. It is a place where each partner has to put themselves in the gender position of their partner and find out what they desire. Just because something is important to you doesn’t mean it is just as important to your marriage partner. You are going to have to spend a lot of time asking questions of your spouse. If you spend a lot of time arguing, you are talking and not listening.

James 1:19 (NIV) My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

It will be your lifetime assignment to find out what your spouse needs, wants, and is like.

You have never been a person of that gender. You have no idea how God wired your partner because of that gender and because of all their past experiences. God made your spouse to be a very unique person and it is your job to learn EVERYTHING about them. The more you get your spouse to explain themselves to you, the better you will understand them and the better you will be able to establish unity and cooperation with them.